iPod and More

Well first I'd like to start by talking about whats going on with me....I duno I'm still kinda happy but things are confusing....talking to Gwen is just hard...we dont get to write back and forth much so if I have something important to ask her I have to wait a long time to get a reply...and it sucks a lot....I really hate that. I mean I think she loves me? She said so..but maybe she likes someone else..? I dont know...I think sometimes I just drive myself crazy >.>...anyway..here is a song that kind of meets my mood right now.

And now for the iPod...well as I said before I bought an iPod Touch for my birthday, it was working great for awhile...I upgraded to the version 2 firmware, and it worked for awhile but then all of a sudden the wifi stopped working. Well I decided to check out the Apple site and see what people were saying about it, and I found out a bunch of people had a problem similar to mine, and they said it was because of the version 2 firmware, so I decided to just wait until 2.1 came out, well I got tired of waiting today (this happened a few days ago) and decided to downgrade the firmware, after doing so the wifi STILL DIDNT WORK, so I've come to the conclusion that the iPod is messed up, I emailed the people I bought it from because it had a 60 day warranty, and if they dont do something I guess I'll send it back to apple to have it fixed...woopie...I cant use it :/...oh well.

My Explanation

So I guess anyone who read what I posted yesterday is kinda wondering why I made just a random post with a smiley face and I said I would explain it today, well here it is. As those of you who read my blog regularly know I have been praying for one thing in particular, and how I started to doubt my faith because I never got a response and just started to believe that it was pointless, that praying didnt get anything accomplished. Well yesterday I got an email from Gwen at like 12 AM last night, and I had to ask her....I had to know if she still cared...if she still loved me...the answer to that question haunted my nightmares, but I had to know the truth...did she still care? As I got a reply my heart pounded...and I read it...the question I had been wondering for months...the question that had caused me so much pain was finally answered....and it was yes. She was worried that I hated her for everything that had happened, as if it was her fault. I was so happy after reading that email.....all I could do was thank God....thank my friend who talked to me anytime I needed it, the one that told me that Gwen still did love me, my best friend, Jaysa. I may not be perfect, and I may make mistakes, but I guess I got my answer, God dosnt hate me....and I got the answer I was hoping for. Gwen...I love you.

Yay :)

Random Thoughts

You know today I was in the middle of editing my newest Arieder Update for YouTube, I get most of it done...and I just deleted it. There are so many thoughts in my head right now that I just dont know where to start. I guess I've kind of changed a lot....I'm starting to not know what I believe anymore, my faith..my friends, everything. Last night I had a dream...I dreamed I was with Gwen, but every time we were together she was taken away from me...then when we were finally together I told her how much I cared...how much I want to be with her..and thats where I woke up...God everything just gets so confusing...I mean for my birthday (I think I wrote this already), but I was joking with Matthew, saying it would be funny if I got an email from Gwen telling me Happy Birthday, well it ended up happening. But did she say she missed me?...no...did she say love?....no... she said she thinks about me a lot....but does she miss me..does she love me still...does she have ANY CLUE that every thought in my mind is of her?....I pray so much anymore...that I could just get an answer! But I never do....sometimes I think that God is just punishing me for the things that I have done...am I that bad that I deserve this pain? Am I a bad person? I dont know...I've done a lot of things I regret, I've hurt people, my friends, my family, but I try my best to make it up to them, I apologies, I give up anything to make them happy....but am I THAT bad?...Well...I'm glad I could get all of that out...hopefully you dont all think I'm just some idiot...most people are probably just wondering why I dont move on...find someone else....well my response to that is I cant...there is NO ONE BETTER THAN HER FOR ME.....you can laugh at me for saying that...you can call me arrogant....but I know its true..and while we went out she believed that as well....that we were meant to be together...but maybe she changed her mind...but I guess it will be awhile before I know...Anyway....I'm sure your all tired of reading this now, but I need to start writing...all of this in my head dosnt help...and I needed a way to express what I'm feeling...after all, its hard to just talk to someone about, and the one person I really did talk to it about I am not talking to at the moment....but anyway...thanks for reading.

Birthday